5 Tips For Overcoming Self Doubt
I am sometimes my own worst enemy. Let me start with some quick background before I get to my 5 Tips.
I have bipolar disorder II. For me, this is characterized by rapid cycling mood changes. By the week, or the day, or the hour, I can feel uncontrollably different. Occasionally I am an unstoppable overly confident narcissist who is incapable of seeing my limitations. That’s about 25% of the time when I have acute symptoms. The majority of my bipolar experience however, is being stuck in a low level depression with occasional dips into full blown “I want to evaporate into thin air” downright despair. This constant cycling has given me some insight into how best to fight and strategize out of these depths. I can’t take credit for all of this, as there have been many insightful professionals that have guided and continue to guide my treatment. I have read countless articles and books, and watched hundreds of hours of videos on psychological health. I am by no means an expert and please don’t construe this as professional advice. It’s not. It’s just my experience, and these techniques are not a replacement for medical intervention. However, with these systems I now spend most of my time well adjusted and, dare I say it…Happy. 85% of my life is balanced and steady. But there is no cure and I still fall victim to my disorder weekly or monthly. One particularly disruptive behavior is self loathing or self doubt. I frequently feel terrible about anything I do, despite having a track record of many successes. As often as not, I feel like a fraud in school, work, relationships, or just being me. Really in any basic human capacity I frequently feel as if I am faking it or am a poor version of any one of my particular identities. I replay situations and conversations in my head, obsessively nit-picking everything I’ve said until I feel like launching myself into deep space never to return again or digging a hole into the mantle of the Earth so I can just melt away and become one with the planet. But as it turns out, these solutions are impractical and expensive, so I have 5 affordable and practical techniques for combating this toxic internal analysis. I also want to be clear that these routines are manifested from my experience with bipolar disorder, but are applicable for anyone struggling with self loathing or doubt. Here they are in no particular order
I picture placing the thought in a bubble and watching it float away
1- Meditation
Once a week I sit down in a quiet dark place for 30–60 minutes, ensuring I am comfortable so as not to be distracted by external stimulus. I have a simple and arguably rudimentary meditation practice, but it helps me. I close my eyes and begin to notice my breath and my body. I quietly focus on this. As thoughts arise and interrupt my focus I allow them a moment within my consciousness. Sometimes it’s an embarrassing thing I said, or perhaps a lapse in judgment that lead to some consequence, or something that happened outside of my control but I have still managed to blame myself for it, or, if I’m lucky, it’s some brilliant insight into one of the many unanswered questions of the universe. Regardless of the invasive thought’s content, I picture placing the thought in a bubble and watching it float away. Sometimes the wind carries it away, or as I breathe out, my breath pushes the bubble farther and farther until it is out of sight. Then I return my focus to my breath and my body. I repeat this until either I am devoid of thoughts (very rare indeed) or my 30–60 minute timer goes off.
The quiet wild places on Earth are the most restorative
2 — Exercise
There is no substitute for exerting sustained physical effort in terms of the effect on my mood or my self perception. It really doesn’t matter what form the exercise takes, but there are some specific elements I have found need to be met in order to truly help. Consistency is so important. Exercise is hard, and is is infinitely harder if you are out of shape. That doesn’t mean you need to be fit to get started, but keep it consistent once you do start. And don’t bite off more than you can chew. A reasonable and achievable goal will likely be met, whereas an outlandish goal will set you up for more self doubt and possibly failure. Another important factor is difficulty. Get your heart rate up! I don’t just go for a walk, I climb some stairs or hike a mountain. I don’t just cycle a flat bike path, I climb a local hill or better yet rip some mountain biking trails (the view is better from the top of stuff anyway). I don’t just set the elliptical on the first setting and read a book, I crank that thing up until I am actually working. Lastly and most importantly, if possible, I make my exercise routine happen in a natural setting. The quiet wild places on Earth are the most restorative and allow for the greatest boost to self confidence.
3 — Help Someone Else
I have worked for 5 summers at camps for people with diverse abilities. Many of the campers needed help with ALL daily life activities, 24hrs a day, a week at a time. In my life I have never been able to step so far outside myself for such an extended period of time. Almost nothing can self illuminate as quickly as helping someone with challenges deeper than your own. This work was years ago, but the conclusion I came to is that to care for others is to care for yourself. This doesn’t mean you need to commit to an entire summer of working in service every time you’re down on yourself. Just do something small and tangible. Pay it forward. Leave a sweet note for a stranger. Pick up trash as you walk down the sidewalk. Leave a kind comment on a piece of work you read or watch online (maybe this one), or apply your brakes when someone pulls out in front of you in traffic, instead of accelerating to teach them a deadly lesson. There are a thousand ways every day to help others. Do a few and you will feel better about who you are. It may even become a habit of compassion.
4 — Learn Something New
My mind is hungry. If I forget to feed it, I experience brain fatigue and fall into lazy thinking habits. And lazy thinking leads to any number of unhealthy psychological patterns, self loathing among them. I need to learn new things to keep up with the rigors of daily life, let alone the rigors of my internal life. But proceed with caution; this pursuit can lead down a dark path in the “post truth” environment we live in. The quality of the content you consume is paramount. Do not allow yourself to become wrapped up in conspiracy theories, half truths, and outright falsehoods. Some truths are truer than others. And as the brilliant astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson puts it, (and I’m paraphrasing) there are personal truths, political truths, and objective truths. What you want to seek are objective truths. I can assure you objective truth exists, but you may have to wade through a sea of bullshit to get there. But it is worth it once you arrive
There is something incredibly freeing about systematically disassembling one of your own conclusions
5 — Challenge My Conclusions
This solution is counter intuitive. It seems the last thing I should do when I already question everything single thing I think, feel and do, is to dive even deeper into the void of my thinking. But that’s exactly the point. There is something incredibly freeing about systematically disassembling one of your own conclusions and applying rigorous scrutiny to some closely held belief, understanding, or piece of knowledge. Instead of only internally analyzing everything, this technique allows you to step outside yourself and externally analyze your thinking. The key here is to approach this as a scientist would, don’t allow yourself to succumb to confirmation bias (seeking data to uphold your current conclusions). Read something from a new and credible source, ask the opinion of someone who holds the opposite view (ideally an expert), conduct a Facebook survey (also get off of Facebook; little bonus advice on preventing self loathing), or watch an instructive YouTube video on the subject (again, from a credible source). Start with something easy like; Is it better to stretch before exercise or is it unnecessary? Then move to deeper topics like whether or not homeopathic medicine objectively helps heal people. This also allows you the freedom to analyze your thinking but within a structured and healthy framework.
It takes work
I hope this helps. Good luck, and remember Newton’s 3rd law of equal and opposite universal forces. On the other side of self loathing and doubt is self confidence, so work to get there. It also helps me to recognize that I am a product of the fundamental systems in the universe. Quantum mechanics gives rise to chemistry and physics, your biology emerges from these, and finally your self doubtful or self confident psychology is the byproduct. The only way to adjust this psychological byproduct is with your decisions. Any given system can’t change without the input of energy, so you can pick the path forward, but it takes work.
